apathy

It's been a little over three years since I entered the wilderness, and although I try not to dwell on it too much, sometimes I can't help but think how much better off I'd be now financially if I had just sucked it up and stayed where I was. Sure, I'd be bored, unhappy, and probably still going nowhere, but at least I'd have a large chunk of debt paid off. Oh well.

As it is, I've worked several different jobs--independent contractor legal assistant, assembly line, preparing tax returns, and now customer service in men's apparel. I guess at this point I'm halfway to where I want to be, only in terms of finances, because at least I'm making half as much as before. But I'm certainly not doing anything interesting that I enjoy. The best thing that's come of it is that I now have a completely new wardrobe since last year, at a small fraction of the price that I would have paid otherwise. That's certainly nice. And at least my boss and the people I work with are cool.

I just feel like I've failed to take advantage of all the help I've had from friends and family, the contacts, the interviews, etc. No matter what I do, it all ends up the same--nothing--and after three years, I've just lost the will and energy to continue doing what I need to do in order to get the kind of job I need. It's not that I won't keep trying, but just the thought continuing with more applications and interviews is depressing, when it seems that I won't get any results.

Then again, when I reached the same point about ten years ago, boom, I landed something good.
I hoping that cycle will repeat itself now.